What? My idol’s ready to tie the knot this April. Shocked, I nearly choked on my breakfast.
For a full hour, I went through the 5 stages of grief (you know disbelief, denial, anger, depression and acceptance) before I come to terms with the news and accept that my Taufik Batisah has the right to happiness with the woman he loves (but why not me!?).
However, one feeling remains in my chest and threatens to claw up my throat.
Yep. That feeling is one of panic.
Coincidentally, I turn 33 this April. Still single, with no marriage on the horizon as far as I can see. Looking back, two long-term relationships and four blind dates (one set up by a well-meaning aunt) ain’t so bad, right?
In all honesty, I’m affected by the news not so much because a gorgeous bachelor is now off the market. It’s more a case of my idol joining the marriage ranks at 33. You don’t get panicky when even attractive and well-known Malay celebs are still unmarried past the age of 30. You get to use their names as weapons against annoying aunties intent on checking up your procreation plans. Now, my list of single (and famous) names dwindle down every few months.
Hey, don’t get me wrong though.
I’m seriously happy for Taufik’s upcoming nuptials and other Malay celebs who have gotten hitched. Folks who take the leap when everything feels right and you want to be with that person forever.
There’s nothing I loathe more than the ‘Ally McBeal’ types. They subconsciously find fault with anyone they date down to that slightly enlarged middle toe, the wrinkled skin (the size of a 5 cent coin) on the left side of their lower neck or the annoying way they crack their neck every few hours in the car.
Yeah you get it.
Basically, folks who are too busy focusing on the teeny weeny details that prevent them from seeing that person they are with for who they are. Perhaps, some self-reflection is needed at this point. When you feel you’re losing a war, standard issue is to retreat and regroup before reentering the fray.
At 32, I feel jaded and bruised. Maybe I’m the very type of person that I loathe, always overthinking the minor details and superficial as hell. A married girlfriend confided in me that when she first met her husband 8 years ago, she wasn’t attracted at all because he didn’t fit her idea of the “One”. Now, she’s glad he was patient in his pursuit of her as she couldn’t imagine marrying anyone else.
There’s a fine line between being desperate and being discerning. Desperate is when you chase anything (that looks male) in sight while discerning is when you are mature enough to discern a person’s personality beyond their looks and give them a fighting chance. Of course, I am quoting my sister’s lecture here but I will definitely aim for the latter.
After all, this principle is going to be part of my healing process in getting over Taufik.
(The writer, Sara Sufian, is happy for Taufik and extends her heartfelt congratulations on the upcoming wedding. The writer is also looking forward to a similar happy ending in the not so distant future, hopefully and God Willing!)